If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
