Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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