we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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