So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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