Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
