just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
