Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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