At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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