thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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