Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
