She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
