I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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