I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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