how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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