alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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