Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize