remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
