I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
