Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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