remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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