Christians are straight up FREAKS
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
