I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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