i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
