while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I smell like Dick and happiness
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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