Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
