I just made out with a guy for $7.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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