she was so not down for the gang bang
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
