You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize