I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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