Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
