his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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