this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
