my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
