if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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