Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
