i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she peed on how many people?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
