Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
