STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
