I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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