Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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