end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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