see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
