his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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