All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
