What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
