Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
