So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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