After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
