your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
