when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
