Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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