hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
