So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
