In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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