and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
