Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
