just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
