he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
