im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
