Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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